On the Importance of Lawyers

A Patchwork Fantasy Snippet full of urban fantasy Greek mytholgoy.

In which an unsuspecting lawyer gets a visit from Hades and Persephone.


[Soft, mysterious music]

Laura: Hi, you can call me Laura, and you’ve just stumbled upon a Patchwork Fantasy Snippet. I hope you’re in the mood for some urban fantasy Greek mythology.

[Music fades]

To be perfectly honest, the lawyer doesn’t quite remember how she got here. Well, not here – this is her office, she’s supposed to be here – but here in front of these two people. They certainly didn’t make an appointment. She’s not even sure if she let them in. They’re just sort of here now.

“So,” she tries, attempting to claw back some composure through sheer, stubborn professionalism. “What is it I could help you with, Mr and Ms…?” Her voice trails off uselessly when she meets her clients’ expectant eyes again.

“Hades,” the man says.

“Persephone,” the woman smiles.

“Right.” The lawyer clears her throat. Something about those names sounds oddly familiar, but she can’t quite put her finger on it. “How can I be of service?”

“We need to get out of our prenup.”

The lawyer blinks at the woman named Persephone, there is something mesmerizingly intimidating about the green of her eyes. “You need to get out of your prenup.”

“Yes,” she nods.

“And you…both want that?”


Mr Hades’ face expresses nothing but agreement and the lawyer is very certain he would be more than capable of showing it if it were otherwise. “Well, it’s always pleasant to have an amicable split,” she says kindly. “And how—”

“We don’t want to split up!” Ms Persephone hastily interrupts. “Never!”

“That’s exactly why we’re here,” Mr Hades adds.

“I…” The lawyer looks from the one to the other. “You do realize I am a divorce lawyer, right?”

“Of course,” Mr Hades says calmly. “Which is why you should know how to get us out of this.” He reaches into his jacket and takes out a document that is nowhere near long enough to be even a standard prenuptial agreement.

The lawyer takes it anyway, glancing at it uncertainly. It doesn’t even seem to be real paper. Somewhere at the edge of her highschool memory the word ‘papyrus’ dislodges itself in her brain.

“This was drafted by…our families,” Persephone supplies helpfully. “We’ve agreed to the terms for ages, but frankly, we’re rather sick of it.”

Looking at the document, the lawyer cannot blame her. Not even all her years of studying legal texts have been able to prepare her for this piece of writing. Some of the words seem to flicker before the lawyer’s eyes, as if her brain simply refuses to accept them. The names – she knows they are names because they are in places where names ought to be – are practically illegible. And the rest of it…the rest of it just makes no sense. Not really. The words are there and they string into sentences, but none of it fits.

Time spent in Hades. Time spent on Olympus. Pomegranates… Spring…

With a dull headache beginning just behind her eyes the lawyer looks up again. So she hasn’t got a clue what this is about, big deal, half of the law is incomprehensible. You don’t need to know all the rules. Not in her line of work. What you need to know is how to find the gaps.

“Let me see if I have understood the situation,” she begins, knowing full-well that there was no way she understood it fully. “You wish to circumvent this anual forced separation.”

“Yes!” Ms Persephone agrees urgently.

“By any means possible.”

“Well, these terms don’t actually specify a lack of contact.” She pushes the paper back towards Mr Hades, trying not to look at the headache-inducing words again. “It only stipulates the required residence of Ms Persephone.”  She nods towards his wife. “And it places no restrictions on your movement whatsoever.”

The couple blinks at her. “What are you suggesting?”

The lawyer smiles. That is more like it. The clients are supposed to be the ones slightly out of their depth.

“I am suggesting,” she says pleasantly. “That you arrange a third residence, a holiday home if you will. Somewhere in neutral territory.”

“That…” Colour is rising into Ms Persephone’s cheeks. “…that would be allowed?”

“There’s nothing here that forbids it,” she replies confidently.

“I do have my business to think of,” Mr Hades ponders aloud, but the lawyer can clearly see he’s already thinking about how to make it work. If only because his wife seems to be doing as faithful an impression of a blooming rose as a human being should be capable of.

“Of course,” the lawyer nods, settling back into her usual confidence. Honestly, most of her days are filled with trying to unravel two people caught up in painful misery. Working with a couple that is fighting to stay together is actually a pretty nice change of pace. She smiles.

“In that case, I think there are two matters to sort out. The real estate, and the commute.”

[Soft, mysterious music returns]

Laura: Thank you for listening, I hope you liked this Patchwork Fantasy Snippet. I thought we could all use some extra joy just about now. If you’d like more content of this kind, I post a lot of this kind of stuff on my tumblr: laurasimonsdaughter.tumblr.com.

Until next time: keep your eyes open for stray gods, and be safe~

[Music fades]

Image of the Patchwork Fairy Tale dragon from the podcast logo.

Copyright Laura Simons, please do not copy my stories without my permission, lest you insult the fae.

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