A Patchwork Fantasy Tale about the trials of working in hospitality.

The worship of Greek Gods is going through a bit of a renaissance of late, but since temples are in short supply, Hotel Olympus is here to provide.

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Transcript

[Upbeat, inquisitive music]

Laura: Hi, you can call me Laura. I’m here to tell you a story if you like. This is Patchwork Fairy Tales and today we’re visiting Hotel Olympus. If you want to read as well as listen, check out the transcript linked in the description.

[Music fades]

Chapter 1

“Excellent!” the manager rumbled after a final glance at her references. He was clearly making an effort to keep his voice down, but this guy was probably the biggest man Charlie had ever seen and he had a voice to match. He seemed to like her though, which was all that mattered right now. “If it is agreeable to you, you could start next week! Just as soon as we have the proper checks and paperwork in order.”

“I can’t wait, Sir,” she grinned. There had not been a single job interview that she had gotten through this easily. And for a position as front of house manager. It did feel slightly like bluffing, saying she knew how to handle all that. But this hotel, no matter how fancy it was, was way smaller than her previous hotel. She very much doubted she’d be any busier. It’d just be more responsibility. And better pay.

“Excellent, excellent,” he said again, leafing through his various papers with his huge hands. “Yes, and I think we have gone through all the questions.”

Charlie smiled politely. He had had a lot of very peculiar questions. Well, perhaps wanting to know about people’s allergies wasn’t very weird. But she wasn’t kitchen staff, so why would it matter if she was allergic to grapes or pomegranates? Anyway, she wasn’t. Nor did she have a problem with dogs or birds and neither did she have hay fever.

“If you don’t mind, I so just have one question of my own,” she said.

“But of course!” the manager said. Charlie wished she could remember his name, but it had been very long and he had only said it once.

“It said in the job listing that the hotel caters exclusively to Olympians,” she said cautiously. “Just out of curiosity, I was not aware there were so many training facilities nearby?”

The manager looked at her in surprise. “Training facilities?”

“Yes, if you are running this hotel specifically for Olympic athletes, there must be a demand for it.”

To Charlie’s surprise the manager stared at her with visible distress. She sincerely hoped that she was not the first person to suggest to him that his business model was a little niche. Because if not, this place would be belly-up in a week. But did he not mention it has been here for a while now?

“Not athletes,” he said finally. “Gods, miss.”

Charlie did her best to keep her expression neutral. Sports fans. “Yes,” she said. “I’m sure they are very impressive. Well, I’m excited to cater to them!” Perhaps this place was some sort of pet project by some ridiculous rich person. Well, as long as she got paid she didn’t care.

“No, miss!” the manager exclaimed. “I do fear you don’t understand. This hotel is not for athletes. Our guests are the deities and demigods of the old Hellenic world.”

This time Charlie stared at him. The deities and demigods of the… “So this is an experience hotel,” she said, slowly. Yes that had to be it. “With LARPing for the guests.”

The manager’s eyes went as glassy as Charlie was sure hers had done at the word ‘Hellenic’. “Miss Charlie,” he said weakly. “I…”

Right at that moment there was a sudden noise outside. It was a rattling, cracking noise and while something about it sounded instantly familiar Charlie had no idea what it was. She looked at the manager in alarm and he cleared his throat.

“Yes, ah, you see…” He gestured helplessly to the window behind him.

Charlie, her mind strangely blank, got to her feet and walked towards it, just as the noise came to a halt. She looked out the window and froze. Then, after a good while, she turned around to face her future manager and said: “I see.”

What she had as a matter of fact seen, outside at the entrance of the hotel just now, had been several guests arriving in three strange little open carriages drawn by – in that exact order – one white and three black horses, two peacocks, and six golden antlered deer. She had looked at them a good long while too, but they had not disappeared. So that was that. Apparently.

The manager met her eyes with the unmistakable expression of a hotelier desperately in need of new staff. “The worship of our old Gods has started to grow again, of late, you see,” he said, sounding rather pleading. “But there are no temples anymore for them to safely manifest on earth. If they wish to make an appearance in person…Hotel Olympus is there to provide.”

Charlie listened to him in silence, a slight buzz of static in her ears coming from the place where her own thoughts usually were. Outside she could just hear someone going: “Woah there! Mind your hooves, darling! There’s a good deer. Aren’t you all beauties.” Well.

“Miss Charlie?”

She lifted her head. “Overtime is compensated by equivalent paid leave or 120 percent pay, isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“Then I can start next week.”

Chapter 2

As far as jobs went, Charlie had had stranger starts than her first day at Hotel Olympus. The general manager – she still couldn’t remember his name and absolutely no one seemed to use it, so she had decided to stick to “sir” and “chief” like the other employees – had introduced her to the principal staff with a hurried sort of good humour and had then run off for “a meeting with His Majesty”. Charlie didn’t know who exactly that referred to, but as long as mister majesty wasn’t due to check into her hotel today she didn’t much care.

Her hotel, of course, because it was. There was no other way to run front office properly, she had to think of all of it as her own. A strange, unnerving place it may be. With stables that bore inexplicable plaques saying “Mares of Thrace not allowed” and “locked rooms labelled “deities only”. But she had decided it would be hers and so it was. And as it was her own, she would make sure it all ran smoothly.

Which is why she went straight up to the check-in counter at the first glimpse of the receptionist’s expression. Receptionists were often stressed, this was a fact Charlie felt unable to fix, but a visibly frustrated receptionist always foretold trouble.

“Hi!” she smiled warmly. “Don’t tell me, it was Cassandra, right?”

“Yes, miss,” the young woman agreed, quickly straightening up behind the counter.

“Charlie is just fine,” she assured her. “Is something the matter? You look displeased.”

Cassandra gave her a level stare. “Not that it will help to tell you, but we’re going to end up double booked.”

Charlie made sure not to frown at the first statement. Clearly whoever managed front of house before her hadn’t been worth their salt. “Really? How come?”

“Yes,” she sighed. “Both Selene and Artemis are going to want the penthouse suite next week. It will be a blue moon and everyone will be doing moon rituals. We will have to give the room to Artemis, because nowadays way more people call on her, and Selene will be furious. So then Eos and Helios will be furious too and the manager will be upset with us all.”

Poor Cassandra, Charlie concluded, was a bit of a pessimist. She knew of no better cure for that than practicality and realism, though, so she nodded and replied: “I see, well that’s no good. I will speak to Facility about temporarily making the conservatory available as a bedroom.”

Cassandra gaped at her. “W-what?”

“If a good view of the night’s sky is the point, the conservatory would do just as well, wouldn’t it?” Charlie asked. “I mean, I presume Selena and Ortemis have something to do with the moon, if people need them for a blue moon.” She still had no clue why people would want gods to show up for natural phenomena that were going to happen with or without them, but that was not her concern right now.

“Yes, but, I-” Cassandra stammered, eyes round as saucers. “You believe me?”

“Why wouldn’t I? You’ve worked here much longer than I have. I can imagine this sort of thing has happened before.”

“Yes but, surely it’s not going to happen now, right?” Cassandra pressed frantically. “Not now I told you about it?”

Charlie frowned. “How would I know? You take care of booking in the guests, I trust your judgement. Even if there’s a chance this might happen, we should be prepared.”

Cassandra, astonishingly, suddenly looked very much like she might cry. “…do you not believe in Apollo?”

Charlie blinked. “Who?”

On the whole Charlie liked to think she was prepared for pretty much anything in her professional life. But this was certainly the first time she had been hugged round the neck by a sobbing receptionist.

Chapter 3

The past couple weeks had undeniably been the most bewildering in Charlie’s entire life. And, speaking both as a hospitality major and the only child of a fire fighter and an event planner, that was saying something.

It was bad enough that she had to grapple with the concept of Divinity on a regular basis, but there were also altogether too many things about this hotel that were simply unexplained.

Unexplained because the manager would not give her an answer. Like the fact that they had a bridal suite that was completely unused except for two standing reservations on the fall and spring equinox. Or the fact that sometimes, Cassandra would scribble a little “m” next to a reservation (for “mortal”, apparently) and then a completely different person would show up to claim the room than the name in the register.

The last time one of those little m’s had appeared next to the name “Athena” an older couple of startlingly normal looking people had shown up. The woman had done most of the talking, but the man had stopped Charlie to ask her if he was allowed to move the bed out of the room, should his wife request it. She was thankfully spared from giving an actual answer by him laughing the sort of laugh belonging to a particular inside joke, and allowing his wife to drag him upstairs. Previously it had been two young men fondly bickering about, as far as Charlie could make out, whether or not it was acceptable to wear each other’s clothes. And now there was another little “m”, scribbled next to the name “Aphrodite”…

Charlie was still frowning suspiciously at it when the head of housekeeping emerged from the direction of the staircase.

“Ah, Echo,” she said, straightening up behind the counter. “Everything alright?”

“Everything alright,” Echo nodded with a smile.

“Good. Are first floor rooms all done?”

“First floor rooms, all done.”

“Brilliant,” Charlie smiled. “Thank you.”

“Thank you,” Echo sighed happily and continued down the hallway with a spring in her step.

 “You’re so good with her, honestly,” Cassandra whispered, appearing in the same sudden way she usually managed. “And thanks for watching the desk for me.”

“No problem,” Charlie hummed. “No one even called.”

Cassandra took her usual place behind the counter. “Yeah, I knew they wouldn’t.”

Charlie, as so many other things around here, lets that remark pass by unexplained and unexamined. “So, any new arrivals tonight that will need special attention?” she enquires. Cassandra always knows.

“Not really!” Cassandra says cheerfully. “Well, maybe them.” She nods towards the entrance and Charlie turns around.

On the whole, Charlie would be the first person to admit that she isn’t very observant when it comes to people’s appearances. She was, at least, not a very good judge of aesthetic. Perhaps it came with seeing so many people every day. Only truly familiar faces stood out to her, and only those she was fond of truly left an impression. But the woman that had just entered the lobby was so undeniably, blatantly beautiful that it was impossible to miss. She looked like she had just stepped out of a magazine, walked straight off an expertly photoshopped billboard. She was perfect. Charlie nearly took a step back from actual unease.

Almost every single guest she had seen here so far had had something imposing about their person. Something larger than life. Something incomprehensible. This woman, as she made her way over in perfect symmetry, with not a hair out of place and not a blemish on her face, had none of that. She felt…completely comprehensible. Exactly and irrefutably flawless. A walking impossibility.

Trailing behind her, holding on to her spotless ivory hand, she led a thin, but strong-looking man with dusty clothes and shabby sandals.

“Good evening,” the woman spoke, and her voice was every smiling, practised, perfectly melodious TV presenter’s voice Charlie had ever heard. “Our patroness made us a reservation?”

“Good evening, Galatea, Pygmalion,” Cassandra answered readily. “She most certainly did. Even booked you her favourite suite. Here you go.” She handed out the room keys and sent the couple on their way.

Charlie watched them go with a great deal of most unprofessional staring. “Are there more people like her?” she asked tensely, when they were well and truly out of sight and earshot.

“You met Eros and Psyche last week and Galatea upsets you?” Cassandra laughed.

“What? The cute married couple? They were nothing like her.”

“Well, no, there’s no one like her,” Cassandra said amusedly. “She’s a one of a kind miracle.”

Charlie exhaled. “She better be.”

Cassandra chuckled. “I can’t wait for you to meet Aphrodite.”

“Does she look like that?”

“Oh absolutely not.”

“Then I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

Chapter 4

(This chapter comes with a content warning for a brief worry about possible abuse.)

Learning how to not see things had been a big part of Charlie’s education. Hospitality management included a lot of training on how to treat whatever nonsensical things your guests are doing was either completely normal or absolutely invisible to you. Charlie was quite good at it too. She had pretty much elevated minding her own business to an artform. Something she was quite grateful for since finding out that her guests were apparently literal gods. However, no matter the divinity of the guests, some things would always be her business. And unconscious people being carried through her lobby was definitely one of them.

Cassandra didn’t even bat an eye, but Charlie was absolutely sure the young man currently being carried towards the stairs was absolutely out of it.

“Ma’am!” she called out, rushing to her feet.

“Charlie,” she could hear Cassandra hiss at her. “That’s Selene! That’s the goddes you had the conservatory—”

“I don’t care who she is,” Charlie hissed back, already striding towards the stairs. “Ma’am, excuse me!”

The young woman turned around to face her with remarkably little effort, considering she was cradling a grown man in her arms. She did look rather startled though, large eyes shining behind wisps of silvery hair. “Yes?”

Charlie glanced quickly at the young man’s face, who seemed to be sleeping, before giving the woman her best customer service smile. “Is your friend there alright, ma’am?”

The young woman’s eyes fluttered with embarrassment. “…yes. He’s sleeping.”

Charlie could barely hear her so low was her voice. She also didn’t believe her. She didn’t smell any alcohol, but even if he was just asleep, there was still no way she was going to let these two out of her sight before making sure.

“Did you book a room for two, ma’am?” she asked, dangerously pleasant. “Could I have your name please?”

“Selene…” Her pale cheeks were beginning to turn pink and she turned her gaze to the floor. “This is Endymion.”

“Excellent,” Charlie smiled. Her voice getting a little kinder when Selene just looked deeply embarrassed rather than guilty. “I can imagine he’s very tired, but could you wake him up for me please?”

With her face now burning bright scarlet, the young goddess nodded. Charlie didn’t hear or see her do anything, but suddenly the young man opened his eyes and she hastily put him back on his feet.

“Hello,” he smiled at Charlie, looking completely alert and not the least bit drowsy. He held out his hand for her to shake. “Endymion.”

Charlie blinked in confusion. “I— hello, Charlie, it’s a pleasure. I was wondering—”

“Yes, I could hear you in the dream, and it’s really very kind of you,” he interrupted pleasantly. “But I’m quite alright, promise.”

Beside him Selene was staring at the floor, blushing down to her neck and evidently wishing she was elsewhere. Charlie was beginning to feel extremely uncomfortable herself. It seemed that Endymion had somehow heard the entire conversation.

“It’s alright, dearest,” Endymion hummed at Selene, looking so sincerely adoring that Charlie felt the need to avert her eyes. “Miss Charlie is just doing her job. Let’s wait until we’re upstairs next time, shall we?” He turned his bright eyes on Charlie again.

Charlie knew she was rather inattentive to such things, but he really was very handsome.

“There was a charming theatre performance about how we met,” he confides in her. “And we got a little overzealous. Selene was eager to get back to our room… It was bad manners. Won’t happen again, miss.”

“I just want to look at him…” Selene muttered unhappily, clearly not even consoled by Endymion’s humming comfortingly at her.

By that time Charlie’s own cheeks were feeling rather hot. She was pretty sure she finally understood the situation and it made her involvement very awkward. “I am so sorry for disturbing you,” she said hastily. “I do apologise.”

“Not at all,” Endymion assured her. “You were quite right. Thanks again for the concern.”

Selene would still not meet Charlie’s eyes, but to be honest, Charlie was kind of grateful for that. She wished the divine couple goodnight in as composed a tone as she could manage and hastily retreated back towards the check-in desk, where Cassandra was looking at her with a face full of pained sympathy.

“I need to start keeping a list,” she groaned.

“Don’t beat yourself up about it,” Cassandra said comfortingly. “The moon falling in love with a youth sleeping under her night’s sky is really only a minor myth.”

Charlie didn’t answer. Minor myth or not, she was going to have to speak to the manager about house rules concerning magical roleplay.

Chapter 5

It was busy at the hotel this evening. Something to do with the stars, apparently. Or what people worshipping deities thought about the stars at least. Charlie had been rushing left and right all afternoon. That didn’t mean she skipped out on checking in with the front desk, however, which is why she almost walked straight into Autolycus.

“Well hello Ms. Manager.” He was leaning against the counter, chatting with Cassandra.

“Hi Autolycus,” Charlie replied with patient neutrality. “Done with Mister Dionysus’ requests already?” The names were still giving her trouble, but she prided herself on proper pronunciation for both her guests and employees.

“Oh I have everything ready for him in advance, especially when he drops by with his wife,” Autolycus grinned. “No worries there.”

“Good,” Charlie nodded. She might not have time for his flirting, but Autolycus was very good at his job. She was not sure if  “head of room service” quite covered the extent of his services, but he didn’t seem to mind it.

“What about you, hm?” he prodded. “Anyone giving you trouble? Cass is already all worked up over nothing.”

“I’ll give you worked up over nothing,” Cassandra muttered under her breath, but judging from Autolycus’ winking Charlie had to assume this was not a real threat.

“No such thing as trouble,” she said decidedly. “At least not in the lobby of my…hotel…” Charlie trailed off, eyes straying to the glass doors of the main entrance, on the other side of which  Phaëton seemed to be doing a lot of running. There was a terrible racket outside.

“Good lord!” Charlie exclaimed. “Are those swans?”

Cassandra let out a barely muffled yelp. Trying to get out from behind her counter and looking at Autolycus with miserable reproach. “You made me lose track of the time! I cannot be here when he’s—” 

“Cass, Cass,” Autolycus tried to shush her, hands lifted in genuine apology. “Artemis is with him, he’s not gonna give you any—”

“Wait,” Charlie interrupted, turning back to the lit up figures just now making their entrance. “Those are Artemis and Apollo?”

Cassandra let out a soft noise of despair and fury.

“Right,” Charlie frowned. “Excuse me a moment. I need to speak with Ms. Artemis about hosting hunting parties inside my hotel suites.”

This time Cassandra sounded more like she choked. “Charlie!” she gasped. “Charlie, you can’t—”

But Charlie wasn’t listening. She was putting on her most polished managerial smile and bearing down on the two guests that were striding into her lobby with far less elegant steps than theirs.

“Mister Apollo? Ms. Artemis? Welcome back to Hotel Olympus!”

Two flawless faces turned her way and behind her at the counter, Cassandra and Autolycus held their breath.

“You have come without your friends today, Ms. Artemis?” Charlie asked pleasantly, resisting the urge to shield her eyes against the golden glow that seemed to radiate from Apollos’s hair.

“My nymphs will be joining me shortly,” Artemis replied, studying Charlie with eyes as endless as the hidden waters in the woods.

Oh great. “Wonderful,” Charlie smiled. “Then, may I suggest that if you and your friends want to engage in sports, the way you did during your last visit, you make use of our fitness facilities? I assure you these are much more suitable for both target practice and endurance runs than our suites.”

It became very quiet in the lobby. Even the swans and deer outside seemed to give up their protests as they were wrangled towards the stables. But Charlie was no longer intimidated by being looked up and down by wealthy women, even ones that carried a bow and arrow.

“These facilities,” Artemis said at length. “Where are they located?”

“On the ground floor of the east wing, I have been assured there is no need to reserve them as there is always enough room,” she replied. And then, remembering the mess in the bathroom, she added: “There are also several pools, ma’am, and one of those can be reserved for your party if you so wish.”

It was always a relief when guests went from thoughtful to smiling. The one implied they were thinking of ways to disagree with you, the other meant they had been won over.

“To have a pool to ourselves would be very pleasant,” Artemis said. “You will make sure no one can disturb us there?”

“I shall see to it you can bathe in privacy,” Charlie promised.

The smile in Artemis’ eyes lit up and before Charlie had the presence of mind to react, the goddess reached out a hand and pressed two soft fingers to the crown of her forehead. “Thank you, maiden, for your service. It is most appreciated. I shall now see to it that Helios’ boy does not upset my deer.” And she turned on the tips of her toes and disappeared back out of the front door, leaving Charlie to blink in confusion at her retreating form.

“Excuse me?” a voice that was clearly not used to speaking those words said beside her.

“Yes, Sir?” Charlie chimed promptly, turning to Apollo.

“Has my room been supplied with laurels?”

“If it hasn’t yet, Autolycos can take care of that for you, Sir.” She looked over her shoulder towards the front desk.

Autolycos and Cassandra were standing side by side, staring at her with partially open mouths.

“Autolycos,” Charlie said with emphasis. “Mister Apollo would like to speak to you about his floral arrangements.”

Autolycos’ feet never seemed to make any sound, even when he was moving at running speed. “Yes, ma’am!” He made a stiff little bow. “Right this way, Sir.”

Charlie nodded pleasantly as he ushered Apollo away and returned to the counter, where Cassandra was still staring.

“You alright, Cassandra?” she asked. “I know you said you didn’t want to be around whenever Apollo-“

“What did you say to her?” Cassandra’s eyes were as round as saucers.  “What did you say to Lady Artemis?”

“That she could use the swimming pool?” Charlie said. “As long as it keeps her and her friends from flooding the bathroom and attacking the furniture it’s all the same to me.” She rubbed absent-mindedly at her forehead with her sleeve. “Is dramatic touching a normal thank you, for your clients I mean.”

“No,” Cassandra said slowly. “No it isn’t. Be sure to mention it to Mister P. when you give him the report of the day.”

Charlie raised an eyebrow. “I’ve had people do way worse, good and bad,” she told her. “But if you say so, I will.”

When her next paycheck arrived, it was a significantly higher amount than the previous one.

Chapter 6

Charlie kept a cheat sheet nowadays. It turned out Greek gods got extremely upset when you did not know who exactly they were. It was honestly a bit dramatic, but then again, not much worse than other expensive hotels with entitled regulars. She glances at the list in her phone one more time as she gets off the bus. (Odd that there was an extra bus stop here now, when she came her for her job interview she had to walk two blocks.) Some of the entries could really do with some additional details.

• Aphrodite, goddess of romance and sex. (and love??) [act more impressed than you are]
• Hephaistos, god of forging, crafting (?) [no small talk]
• Apollo (like the rocket), god of god of music, poetry, the sun (?). Twin (?) brother of Artemis. Gets very emotional over various kinds of decorative vegetation. Not good with Helios, Hermes. [Keep away from Cassandra!!]
• Zeus, god of…lightning? Heaven?? “King” of the gods. Has a suite permanently reserved for him, but is hardly ever here. Insane policy. Has something to do with the “no mortal guests allowed”. No one will tell me what. [Do not mention around Ganymedes.]

“Hi Charlie!”

Her head snapped up from her phone with immediate suspicion. It had been weeks since Cassandra ever felt the need to use her customer service voice on her. “Cas…?”

She was standing unnaturally prim behind reception desk and her smile was plastered onto her face with uncanny precision.

“Cas,” Charlie repeated warily. “What’s going on…”

“The chief called in sick today,” Cassandra replied with terrified cheerfulness. “He left you in charge.”

Charlie’s stomach turned over. “He did what .”

“You already deal with all the customers all the time!” Cassandra said hastily. “And the rest of us know the drill. No one will make trouble for you, we promise!”

Charlie threw up her hands and hurried behind Cassandra’s counter. “Is this about that Theseus mortal that Poseidon made a reservation for?” She had never seen the manager look so miserable as upon hearing her read out a name.

Cassandra gave her a deeply apologetic look. “He’s only staying the one day and night. Please don’t leave.”

“Of course I’m not going to leave.” She groaned. “When are the new arrivals due?”

“Helios at 9:26, Theseus at 10:02 and Hestia and Demeter at 10:43,” Cassandra answered promptly. It was an absolute blessing to have her always know exactly when people would be arriving, or leaving, or putting in complicated requests.

“Alright, fine,” Charlie sighed. “I will do a quick check around then and be back here at a quarter past nine.”

“I’ll be here,” Cassandra sighed in relief.

“Honestly,” Charlie muttered, hurrying down to the kitchens. “If he thinks the previous raise covers this he’s wrong.”

In the kitchens all was under control, however, and Tantalus sent her on her way with a freshly baked bun which improved her mood greatly. She paused in the garden to cram the rest of it into her mouth before entering the stables. The gardens were beautiful, if a little unnerving. The hyacinths and daffodils had been in bloom for way too long now. And Charlie had never heard you could cultivate anemones in a fountain basin.

The stables, hidden behind a row of cypresses, were less unnerving but far more chaotic. They were monstrously big, but Charlie had by now learned they needed to be. Most of the guests had distressingly inconvenient modes of transportation. Miss Eos was alright, she usually came with just the two horses. Her brother Helios, however, came with no less than eight. (Plus a flaming chariot that took up a ridiculous amount of space.) Ares had only four horses, but they did breathe fire. (Very difficult in a barn environment with lots of hay around.) And Poseidon’s horses dripped sea foam everywhere.

The horses were nothing to Dionysus’ panthers though. Or Apollo’s swans, for that matter. Charlie was sure she didn’t know a more potentially vicious bird, and they kept trying to get into the pool, which made the nymphs uncomfortable. As far as birds were concerned, Aphrodite’s doves were a lot less intimidating, but there were an awful lot of them.

Luckily Marsyas seemed completely unbothered this morning. He answered Charlie’s questions with his usual good humour and assured her he had room for Helios’ chariot and horses all prepared and fireproofed. So there was nothing to delay her and she returned to the lobby only a little after nine.

When she entered from the direction of the pool area – it had been restored very well since Poseidon’s last visit – a hooded figure was stood at the counter and Cassandra looked unusually nonplussed.

“I trust you have a reservation?” she said, uncertainty leaking through her polite smile. “Which divinity booked for you?”

“No one.” The guest’s voice was soft, almost hesitant, but Charlie heard every word. “I have no reservation. I came because…because I am called upon.” She said it as if it was a new thing. New and wondrous, but beyond doubt. “I am expected.”

“I…um…” Cassandra began, but by then Charlie had crossed the lobby and as she turned to the counter she suddenly caught sight of the guest’s face.

She halted, her professionalism flagging in a moment of startled recognition. Her mouth moved before she could stop herself. “You’re Medusa!”

The guest turned, looking without meeting Charlie’s gaze, but Cassandra gaped at her. “You know who she is? You didn’t know Aphrodite, but her you know?”

“Of course I do,” Charlie answered, looking at the halo of snakes framing Medusa’s head within the confines of her hood. It was an unmistakable image. And the story, the name, it just stuck in the mind. At least the main parts. Defiance and strength and survival…

Medusa met her gaze, slowly, as if she expected something bad to happen that Charlie was not aware of. Charlie looked back at her with as open an expression as she could. Sometimes the customers service smile didn’t cut it. The snakes looked curious, and Medusa herself looked at her, it seemed to Charlie, as if she was as bewildered as Cassandra to be standing here, checking into Hotel Olympus as the gods did whenever they came to witness the voices who worshipped them.

“Cassandra, I believe madam wanted a room?”

“Yes, but, she isn’t- I mean she didn’t used to be—”

Charlie took care never to interrupt Cassandra, who was so used to not being listened to. This time she made an exception. “The green suite, I think, Cassandra, if you would. For our divine guest.”

“…yes, right away.” Cassandra regained her composure and turned around to select the key.

“Welcome to Hotel Olympus,” Charlie said with a bow of her head. “I hope you will enjoy your stay.”

Medusa smiled.

Chapter 7

Weeks upon weeks became months upon months and Charlie began to find – beyond al expectation – that she had almost gotten used to catering to gods and working alongside people whose names she could barely pronounce and whose understanding of the world seemed at least three steps to the left of her own. She should have known really. A job was a job, a hotel was a hotel, and she thrived in hotels. Even a hotel as improbable as Hotel Olympus.

That Monday had a cheerful sort of routine to it. From greeting Argus and Phaëton out front, to catching up with Cassandra at the front desk and quickly checking in on Echo before hunting down her manager.

“Morning, chief,” she said with a nod.

“Good morning, Charlie,” he rumbled. “Anything require my attention?” Mister P. was always anxious to know the minutest details about the running of the hotel, but luckily he did not feel the need to micromanage once he knew.

“Just a question, if you don’t mind,” Charlie said briskly. “About the standing reservation for the 20^st of March—”

“Yes?” he replied, just a beat too slow.

“It says they are bringing a pet.”

“Yes.”

“That’s against hotel policy,” she reminded him. “It clearly says no pets.” Her eyes narrow. “They already show up with their own personal zoos! Poor Marsyas is run off his feet at the stables. I’m not having that inside our hotel!”

The startled look the manager gave her was quite hard to read, but just to be sure she folded her hands on her back for a moment and corrected. “Your hotel, chief.”

“No, no, quite right, our hotel,” he muttered. “But, really Charlie, it’s only a dog.”

Charlie paused. “A dog?”

“Yes, just one— eh, one dog.” He took in Charlie’s frown with a rather pleading expression. “Her Majesty really does not like travelling without him.”

Her Majesty? She has never heard him use a title like that for any of their other guests. “Well, I suppose a dog won’t be too much trouble. I presume they’ve brought it here before, then?”

“Oh yes, every year. Th-he’s very well behaved.”

“Alright,” she sighed. But she privately thought she’d probably come to regret this come March the 20^th.

When she arrived on March the 20^th the whole hotel seemed to be on edge. Echo’s whispers seemed to fill every hallway, the manager stomped around nervously and the kitchens were eerily quiet.

She was just about ready to resort to pressing Cassandra for an explanation, when the lobby doors swung open and a stately woman in a gown so dark green it was almost black made her way directly to the front desk. Cassandra immediately stood to attention, but Charlie was closer and by the time the new guest reached them they both chimed in almost perfect unison:

“Welcome back to Hotel Olympus.”

“Ah!” the guest said brightly, looking at Charlie. “You must be the new manager I have heard so much about.”

“Yes, Your Majesty, this is Charlie,” Cassandra confirmed.

So this was Her Majesty. Well, she certainly did look the part.

“Hello Charlie,” she smiled. “How good to finally meet you.” And something in the way she held herself as she said that made Charlie’s stomach jolt.

Obviously most of the deities that stayed here acted like guests of honour to a private party, but this woman. This woman – well, goddess – didn’t act like a guest at all. Oh no, she had owner energy.

Charlie stood perfectly straight and almost held her breath. Surely people would have told her if the owner of the hotel was coming to stay?

The smiling divinity cheerfully continued, seemingly unaware of the effect of her presence. “Are you pleased with your employment here? I hope you do not run into any obstacles? As the only one yet living here.”

Her nerves ought not to affect her ears. Did she hear that right? Yet …. living?

At that moment the hotel doors opened once again and a tall, broad-shouldered figure clad in all black slowly strode inside with a dog at his heels. A large, hulking, three-headed dog.

Charlie felt her cheeks burn. She had been so preoccupied with the dog she had forgotten to worry about its owners. She dropped her gaze, eyes drifting to the cheat sheet tucked out of view of the guests behind the counter. Way at the bottom it said:

• Hades + Persephone, God and Goddess of the Underworld (Death?)

She looked back up. “No, ma’am, she whispered, I am very happy here.”

“Wonderful,” Persephone smiled. “That is what I like to hear.”

She began to idly stroll through the lobby and Charlie felt compelled to follow. “I’m quite proud of this place, you know? So much more…constructive than what we used to do.”

“Ah?” Charlie desperately sought for the right thing to say. What on earth would the Lord and Lady of the Dead need a hotel for? “What is the constructive part, exactly?”

“Rehabilitation!” Persephone said brightly. “It’s all the rage these days among you mortals, isn’t it? I’m a big fan.” She cast another loving eye around the lobby. “I think we managed to find everyone in need of further reform a very fitting position. And for the volunteers, like dear Cassandra, it’s a nice reprieve. A helpful change of scenery. Wonderful how that all worked out.”

She looked at Charlie again, who felt more overwhelmed under her gaze than she had in the face of any other god.

“Why look at Damastes! In a way we owe the inspiration for this whole place to him.”

“Damastes?” Charlie repeated, in deep discomfort and deep confusion. She had never heard that name before.

“Oh, perhaps you know him as Procrustes?” She nodded cheerfully towards the manager, who was greeting both her husband and their dog with anxious deference. “After all those centuries in Tartarus, who could have thought that having him run a hotel again would finally bear fruit. And it so neatly solved the issue of us all needing to come down here with no temples to house us, too.” She chuckled. “We might have called it Hotel Hades, but no doubt the others would have taken offence to staying here then.”

Charlie swayed gently on her feet. She was trying to remember, with increasing desperation, if she had ever seen any of her co-workers leave the hotel before her. She couldn’t. And no matter how punctual she was, she was always the last to arrive. Or so she had thought… She glanced back towards the desk. Cassandra met her eye with an embarrassed smile.

She was still struggling for composure when Hades himself, tall and grave and silent, came to stand at Persephone’s side. She fondly took his arm. “Is our suite ready?”

And Charlie, with a relief that came from the very depth of her soul, gratefully fell back on her usual script. “Certainly, ma’am,” she smiled. “The bridal suite, decorated in spring colours, and a bowl of ripe pomegranates on the night stand.”

A job was a job and a hotel was a hotel, and you could get used to anything.

“If you’ll step this way, I will personally escort you to your suite and see to it that everything is exactly to your liking.”

Epilogue

Well, it wasn’t every day you found out you were working in an extension of hell — Charlie was by now well aware that Hades wasn’t hell, but she retained the right to continue to privately call it whatever she liked — but in the end it did not matter all that much. Once she had recovered from the initial shock all she had had to do was accept that apart from none of the guests being human, none of her co-workers were either. Well, no longer mortal at least.

It didn’t change her day-to-day too much. Whether Cassandra was just an exceptionally organized receptionist or a clairvoyant had no effect on either her job or their friendship. And the fact that Marsyas actually did have hooves, instead of very clunky boots, could hardly have any impact either. The only thing Charlie had resolved on was her suggestion to Echo that they both learn sign language, which she very enthusiastically accepted, but they were both so busy that would probably take a while.

So, no, when she requested a talk with her manager it wasn’t to resign, as he had feared.

“Of course not, chief,” she smiled. (He had explained that neither the name Damastes, nor Procrustes really suited him any longer and he had not yet found another one.) “What do you take me for? As long as the working conditions are good I am more than willing to work in an outpost of hell.”

He was clearly too relieved to argue with her about semantics.

“But that’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” she continued. “Working conditions.” She fixed him with a determined expression. “We need more front of house staff. Specifically, I need someone to train to do at least part of my job, especially when I can’t be here.”

“Ah, well,” the manager said. “I am sure that will not be a problem. Provided, perhaps—” His broad shoulders stiffened a little. “You could possibly conduct the recruitment process personally…”

Charlie thought back to her own job interview and kept her face carefully neutral. “Of course, sir, if you think that is best. And I do have some thoughts on that point,” she immediately added.

The manager actually smiled. “By all means.”

“Normally I would never say this, but, don’t get someone from hospitality.” She gave him a pressing look. “I’d say customer service experience desired, but the required education should be a classics degree.”

If she was going to ever get all the nonsense in this hotel under control she really needed some help. And if her help knew about the Ancient Greek nonsense, she could teach them about the hotel nonsense.

“A…classics degree,” the manager repeated, writing it down. “I have never heard of this.”

“No need to look it up,” Charlie said. “But trust me, it’s going to make a world of difference.”

He nodded. “As long as it means your continued employment.”

She smiled. “Oh I don’t intend on leaving.” Hotel Olympus was her hotel.

Dramatis Personae

The staff of Hotel Olympus, as told by Charlie, human (after she’s had her caffeine), tired front of house manager, and wholly uninterested in Greek mythology:

• “Mister P.“, general manager. No one calls him by his full name, usually it’s just “sir” and “chief”. Looks big and strong enough to lift a barn.
  
  
• Cassandra, receptionist, seems to have an uncanny ability to know what’s needed in the hotel before the guests even make a reservation. Weird around Apollo.
  
  
• Echo, head of housekeeping. Doesn’t talk much, but clearly an excellent listener, never fails to repeat back instructions.
  
  
• Phaëton, valet parking. A bit too fond of speeding, but a very eager driver and takes excellent care of the chariots.
  
  
• Tantalus, head chef. Runs a very orderly kitchen. Clearly very passionate about food, but hates preparing roast meat.
  
  
• Sisyphus, head of the legal department. Not that there seems to be anyone else working there. But every single permit is always in order and the employee contracts are rock solid, so whatever.
  
  
• Marsyas, runs the stables. He’s not very polite, but always cheerful, and takes very good care of all the ridiculous animals the guests have pulling their chariots. Walks kind of strangely. Also weird around Apollo.
  
  
• Icarus, seems to be around solely to fix stuff. His dad allegedly built this place and if anything gets lost or broken, Icarus always seems to know how to restore it. Has some trouble focussing.
  
  
• Ganymedes, head waiter in the restaurant. Talks to the guests as if he knows them personally. Keeps calling his job an internship and looks young enough for it to be true, but is clearly working fulltime.
  
  
• Autolycus, officially head of room service, unofficially the one person able to find every single ridiculous thing the guests might request. A bit of a sweet-talker. Chummy with Hermes.
  
  
• Argus, the doorman. Big guy. Usually wearing a bulky coat with the collar turned up and keeps his head covered too. Not a fan Hermes, but especially cordial towards Hera the rare times she visits.

[Upbeat, inquisitive music returns]

Laura: Thank you very much for listening, I really hope you liked this multi-chapter story Hotel Olympus. This entire story happened because I wanted to make a Damastes Procrustes rehabilitation/community service joke and here we finally are. If you have any feedback about the podcast please go over to laurasimons.com or to laurasimonsdaughter at Tumblr to tell me all about it. Meanwhile I’ll keep dreaming up different stories to tell you guys.

There’s another tale to tell some other day, but until then: remember to mind your mythology, guard your name, and be safe.

[Music fades]

_{Copyright Laura Simons, please do not copy my stories without my permission, lest you insult the fae.}